SMLP:

Jacqui Smith’s (The Home Secretary) husband, Richard Timney has been discovered stroking his love pump at the expense of tax payers.  The media has made it very clear that they are appalled by it and we the public will also be; actual I just think it’s a bunch of wank.

Let me start with a quick brake down of what’s happened:

•    Jacqui Smith (already getting stick for expenses claims) put in an expenses claim for internet and tv services with Virgin Media at her family home.
•    Turns out her Husband Richard had treated himself to £10 worth of Frankie Vaughan on pay per view while his wife was elsewhere.
•    The expenses are paid for by tax payers.

Now I don’t want to pay for a bunch of crap that our MP’s don’t really need especially when an MP gets paid £63k per year.  That said they are allowed to claim most of there living expenses with in some set rules.  So I’m going to put myself out here and defend (not Jacqui Smith – I think she’s a cow) Richards pornfest.

•    Virgin Media say that they give “discreet billing” on Adult content.

How the hell can it be discreet if the whole country knows about Richard’s “squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie”.  Shouldn’t this be a news storey about how rubbish Virgin Media are at hiding the details of what your watching.  I can tell you after this I’m not going to be paying for any porn with Virgin as I run the risk of my girl finding out about it.  I can however tell you that if you ever stay in a hotel with work on a “full account back to company” booking your company do not get any information on any Adult film purchased.  Now I’m not saying that this is in every hotel chain but I can tell you that its with at least 8 different one.  Not that saying I have the record of the most Adult content charged to my company and even if I did I would still suggested you hit the web.

•    Have you seen Jacqui Smith?

I’m sure Richard loves his wife.  I’m sure they do have a sex life.  Not being funny but if his wife is away on work during a time where she is stressed up to the eye balls with work; you just know she’s not been putting out.  I’m also going to say that the imagery of having sex with Jacqui wouldn’t give most hot blooded males much of a rise.  So what better way to chill out than with a bit of boxing the one-eyed champ; and if you should partake in such an activity then Frankie is your man.

It been one week of one armed action since i smashed up my collarbone and I can tell you if not easy trying to slice bread when you running at 50% armage.

The first nightmare I’ve had with my injure has been the crazy amounts of pain killers I’ve had to take.  My four hourly drug intake has been Paracetamol, Codeine Phosphate and Ibuprofen.  When your the kind of person that rarely takes pills even if you have a headache; then switch to taking six ever four hours can start to make you feel like there is something very wrong with you.  To top if all off if wasn’t even putting a dint into the pain erupting out of my arm and shoulder every time I moved,  so it was back to the doctors.  What the doctor came up with was a replacement for the Ibuprofen with some lush “shit” colored Diclofenac pills.  Pain had gone.. which was nice, apart from the chronically bad stomach pains. So a quick switch back to no stomach pain and continued shoulder and arm pain.

It was a crazy day yesterday and a number of you very kind Twitter and Facebook peeps have been sending me well wishes and asking me what the hell happened.  So here it is.

On the normal cycle to work yesterday morning I had myself a little hick-up.  I lost control on my bike and exited it with my head traveling towards the pavement is a not too dissimilar way to an arrow being shot into the ground.

Remember when you were a kid and your parents were always bugging you to ware a helmet when out on your bike; but you didn’t want to because it just wasn’t cool.  Well I can tell you that yesterday I was coolest person that has ever worn a cycle helmet on his head.  Until you need it, there is no way of fully appreciating how much your helmet does.

My head hit the ground traveling at what seemed like 30miles per hours with my helmet taking almost all of the impact.  The only way I could describe what it was like is if you imagine pushing a hard bath sponge against your head very quickly.  I’m going to put myself out on a limb and say that with out my helmet my skull would have no longer been in one piece and more than likely have a nice opening displaying where I stored all them useless facts I learnt at school.

Now as much as my helmet took most of the impact of me being shot into the ground, the remainder of it was taken by my shoulder or more specifically my Collarbone.   I have a major brake in my collarbone which I can tell you kicks back at some hardcore pain nerves when ever you move any part of your arm, shoulder or chest.

The original plan was surgery this morning to stick a few bits of metal and a couple of screws on the bone to allow it to heal however that has been cancelled.  Instead of that I’ve got to sit back for two weeks to see if you bone fusses back together on it own.  Another X-ray in two weeks should give an idea if it works or if they need to cut me open and “Robo” me up.

In the mean time it nothing but pain, pain killers and day time tv for me. ?